The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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