oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
