I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
