Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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