Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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