I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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