Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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