Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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