my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
