My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
