on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
