I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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