I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
