i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
