if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
