Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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