another moral hangover. fuck.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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