hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
