hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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