Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
