Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
