there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
