I'm really into asian looking animals
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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