what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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