stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
