the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
