I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
