I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
