I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
