what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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