So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
