I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
