You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
