Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
