So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
