I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
