Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
