I showed him my bush... on skype.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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