Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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