i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
