I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
