he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
