dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
