I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
