Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
