Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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