hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
