my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
