Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
