is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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