like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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