spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
