Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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